Friday, December 28, 2007
:) depressing entry.
current mood: heart-rending
the whole world seemed to be on me yesterday afternoon. i was yelling at the top of my lungs, yet no one was listening. i tried so hard to fit in, to make the pain go away and to pretend that i was perfectly fine. Truth is, i am not. i realized that the worst person there is in the world is ME. saying sorry won't help sometimes. like now, saying sorry for my existence in life, would not help most heart breaks I've caused. it's a pity i have to be me and experience the pain I'm feeling and it's worse for the souls I've scraped. my presence in this fragile world seems unappreciated. i am still struggling to find the reason for my existence. they say enjoy life, enjoy the moments it throws to you and find the joy in everything that happens. but joy and happiness seems so far away. each time i forge a smile or cast a laughter, i am being scoff at, leaving me, alone and confused. always.
however, we are always given choices in our life. and i have chosen to devote my time to love someone from far now, please forgive me world. let me be unable to forge a smile or cast a laughter. for now, i pray that joy will come soon for both you and me. :)
God was kind to me later at night. though i ended yesterday at 2.14 AM with a jab in my right chest and an awful cramp, i enjoyed moments before it. how i desperately wished for the batteries to die, the clock to stop and time to freeze at that moment. the beach is always a nice place. followed by, the airport, where i like to dream. and finally, supper is always superb. family does matter. :)
Dear Mr Faiez, send me the pictures soon. you are annoying!
& Dear world, even if saying "i am sorry" is not enough, I am sorry.
'fimaaa
❤ imperfectly written at 3:57 PM
