Thursday, January 3, 2008
:) thrid day of 2008
current mood: distraught
hope. a hope for happiness. a hope for a future. a hope for reconciliation.
a hope was given. a false hope, rather. and in a snap of a finger, you bring that hope, MY hope, crashing down. the twinge you will never feel. the stabbing pain you have caused. the quake you have trigger off. but it was my mistake to hope. and i will never again.
for a few hours, i left my mind to ease my wounded self. i left the body to function with no emotions. i threw in many fake smiles, reminding myself to be strong. it all looked calm on the outside, but contrary was in the inside. my mind was having a confrontation with my heart. it was all chaotic and anarchic. it was as if weapons of mass destrcutions were inside of me. the pain, i cannot express in words. i reckon, it is by far the the most pain I've felt in 18 years. and i blame no one but me. but I'll live through this misery.
is this what you want, Oh Sir? again i ask, what more? what more?
you stole all that was never yours. and you threw it away when you are done. it was my heart you stole. and it was me you threw away. what more, Sir? what more?
there is nothing else to break, because everything was already broken on the 11 October 2007. what more? i ask Sir, what more?
you have punished me enough Sir. please don't punish them, they are innocent. it was all me Sir. it was all me.
i am sorry i was not good enough. :)
and for now, leave me alone. when i am ready, i'll come out again. stronger than ever. good night Oh, beautiful world. :)
'fimaaa
❤ imperfectly written at 10:42 PM
