Friday, February 29, 2008
:) HIM.
current mood: rage
Will it make you happy, to see the person you love suffer. I tried so hard to let loose the cage, to jump freely. But i failed. Over and again, I have failed. It's all my fault, I know. But you bear the pain to see me go through all this. Over and again. It gets tiring trying to force myself to smile. Do you not love me enough to see me suffer? Is it wrong at a shot of happiness my way?
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I dreamt of walking down the street, under the eyes of the moon as it witness me enjoying every step I take. I dreamt of that arms holding me tight, not willing to let me go. I saw a beautiful place with him by my side. The world is a beautiful place, even if that beauty takes some effort to see.
I am not going to seek refuge anymore. Maybe the truth revealing itself does much more wonder than me confessing to the sins I have done. Maybe mother nature likes it this way, to see me down with depression again. Or maybe I was cursed from the very beginning. At the very least, let me dream of happiness. Or at least that I will be happy.
For now, let this be real.
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I like the way he was frank. The way he says that I am irritating. I like the way he thinks, where "this is me, if you don't like it, leave." I like the way he talks about the moment that matters, the first moment he smiled at me in the school library. I like the way he let me be myself in front of him. The way he smiles and stares at me. I like the way he is precised about the smallest thing. I like the fact that he trust me with his phone at the start of everything. I loved the fact that he wants to meet me sometimes but refuse to say so and I've always thought that it is cute. I love the fact that he came at the right time, that he notice me in school like no one has ever. I loved the fact that he saved me without knowing that he did. I've always thought he's charming, witty and funny. He's always a nice company. I like the funny facial expression he has when he's mocking me. I like the way he respects me. I love the way he calls me "small kid" and treats me like one. I like the way his hands fit mine. I like the way he touch me with his hands. I guess I just fell in love with him.
No sweet words can describe the feeling. And maybe I still can't explain why I fell in love with him. But I do and at least the words I say is true. I fell in love with every little things that I see in him do and for everything that makes him. I love him because he is a nice person and because he is who he is. Maybe he completes those missing pieces of my life. I do love him. Maybe the world would see it. And maybe you would see it. But till that day, I'll keep showering my love for him. Till maybe the day comes where everyone can see that I am true, I still won't love him less.
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I want to face this with him and somehow, in this mess, I know that he will pull me through. Maybe its how he always appear calm. Or maybe it's just the security he has managed to give me. I think its just the way he makes me feel. And I do feel special. Thank you.
&If you love me, at least let me have this. Because right now, he means a whole lot more than you can make of it. :)
Oh, Good night you.
`fimaaa
❤ imperfectly written at 2:59 AM
